Friday, November 16, 2012

Flashback Friday: Internet Like Burning

Flashback to 2000

When I was in high school, one of my favorite sites was TheSpark.com (Internet like burning). It had all these personality tests that I thought were very cool. It showed you graphs of everyone who had completed the test and where on the scale you fell.

I found a kind of mirror. The links don't work, but who would expect them to after all this time.





So, what was The Spark?

From theSpark.com's strategic plan:
“TheSpark.com seeks to integrate large-scale thinking and small-scale personnel (dwarves) to achieve "shrink-to-fit" results on the Internet. We firmly believe that as computers advance beyond our wildest dreams and destroy mankind, the wee ones will be spared.”

Below is a portion of the TheSpark.com review from Dooyou.co.uk
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Advantages: Hilarious
Disadvantages: Offensive to some (this is probably why I enjoyed it so much)

~*~ TESTS ~*~ 
At present there are seventeen available personality tests on the site, but new ones are being added all the time. The tests are made up of several witty questions, and after you have answered them all you are presented with an amusing conclusion. 

The Personality Test: The most popular test on the site. After answering fifty-two multiple-choice questions, TheSpark fits you into one of sixteen personality groups. If you get your friends to take the test too, you will be told how compatible you are with them. Or, as the case may be, how incompatible you are with them! 

The Purity Test: The very first test the site created. It is a measure of all your dirty deeds, and tells you exactly how bad you really are in one hundred barefaced questions. Just make sure no one’s around when you do this 
one or you might find yourself in a bit of a sticky spot. 

The Death Test: If you’ve ever wondered how long you’ve got to live, here’s the place to go to find out. If you watch South Park or listen to Korn, TheSpark predicts you will die younger! I’ve got until August 3rd 2055, and there is a 10% chance I will die from alien abduction! 

The Wealth Test: Tells you when you’ll make your first million (dollars, as it is an American site). Apparently I will be a millionaire by the time I’m thirty-three, and I’ll earn most of it through being a ‘star’. Sounds alright to me. 

The Bitch Test: A test for us girls (or men pretending to be girls) that tells you how bitchy you are. I am 45% bitch, which is a bit higher than the average, which is 37%. According to the interesting little facts provided at the end of this test, women who like the taste of beer are more likely to cheat on their partners! 

The Gender Test: Here TheSpark predicts whether or not you are male or female, without asking you any obvious questions about your clothes or grooming habits. I am 86% female, so I don’t know about the other 14%! 

The Stress Test: Apparently I score well below average on the stress test, and it is quite likely that I am ‘lazy and retarded’. Huh! What do they know about stress? I’m getting my GCSE results tomorrow! 

The other tests are: 

The IQ Test, 
The Slut Test, 
The Bastard Test, 
The Match Test, 
The Greed Test, 
The Ass Test, 
The Gay Test, 
The Sex Test, 
The Un-telligence Test, 
The Pregnancy Test, 

~*~ SCIENCE ~*~ 

The Fat Project: A competition between two people, one man and one woman, both trying to gain thirty pounds in thirty days. The winner wins three thousand dollars. 

The StinkyFeet Diaries: The diary of one person’s goal to infect themselves with athlete’s foot! 


The StinkyMeat Project: Don’t visit this section if you’re squeamish! The name is a giveaway really…
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In short, TheSpark was an adult humor website that I was probably too young to be reading and enjoyed it doubly because of that. When reminded of TheSpark in college, I was very sad to see that it had basically turned into a study site. Not too sad, though, because SparkNotes got me through many an open-note literature test!

1 comment:

Alcifer said...

Oh, I remember that website too! The internet felt so exclusive and new then.