Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Wishing to kiss unicorns, maybe.

I realize that my experiences with weight is not as significant of many others. Like the people who have lost 100lbs or 250lbs. But it was extremely significant to me.

------

 Starting in September 2007, I experienced a 50% weight gain.

It's much more shocking to put weight into percentage points. If I say I gained 50 lbs, people will think it's a lot of weight, but they won't grasp what it meant to me.

50% of my weight. It was a lot, it was depressing and I hated myself. Although I was already depressed, so that didn't help.

Finally in Fall of 2009, I lost most of the weight. My will never be the same though. This is why I've started running and why I want to be fitter. I want to have my old body back. Or something like it.

One interesting occurrence: while I was struggling with my weight, I felt a weird kind of kinship with other women.  I was allowed into the club of people who were allowed to complain about their figure. I didn't even realize this existed until after I lost my weight. After returning to my Spring 2007 weight, I was ejected from the club. When I tried to talk about loosing weight with other women I was laughingly dismissed. See, if other people think you look thin, then you are not allowed to express dissatisfaction with your body. Since you are not overweight, obviously you have no hang ups about your body.

Obviously.

I would clearly rather be thin than be in this club, but it was a bit irritating. It feels rather belittling. It's not like I lost weight by making wishes or kissing unicorns.

Too bad though. That'd be a good story.

Anyway, I've placed many photos into an imgur album to chronicle the experience. It's embedded below. I'm not sure you can see all of the photo descriptions below, so click here to read all the descriptions.

You'll notice that most of the photos are head shots, I feel like cheeks are and excellent indicator of weight gain. Further, I tried to have many photos that include my twin as a good comparison.

No comments: