Sunday, January 21, 2007

Bizzaro Dream

There was, for some reason, a Kuk Sool Won tournament, and some profs from here and there were present. Ra was a Kyo Sa Nym, that's the only ranking I remember. I looked at the sheet he was holding and it said in big bold letters KYO SA NYM... I rememeber during sparring that ** was against Eu and ** won. I don't remember who Ra was against, but he won. ** and Ra sparred and, once again, Ra won.

Cut to this point: Everyone was staying in a hotel. I'm in a bed. The room is wonderful. The bed is of the four-poster variety with velvet curtains. Lovely! Gold framed mirrors. A marble table with a pitcher and basin. Flowers. Gorgeous. The bed is lush. Cream colored egyptian cotton sheets with a velvet-y red cover. Delicously heavy. I'm half-sprawled/half-curled. Who knows how?

The door is open and ** is in there. He's talking to me but I'm not sure about what. (I can't recall is all.) I remember wanting him to express his desire for me, but no such luck. Na walks by the door and reminds ** that they were going to go to the market and also get some coffee. I feel jealous. I wish ** would ask me to go. -- She seems... curious, but not forwardly so, that ** is in the room, and I'm in the bed. (I am clothed by the way.) -- He agrees and gets up to leave, not even glancing back. I sigh, defeated. He leaves.

A moment later he walks back in. I sit up. He walks up to the bed and says that he cannot let everyone know about ... whatever may be or might be between us. I blush, inwardly exuberant but not willing to show such school girl emotion (thought that's exactly what it is). He pauses, akward and unsure, second guessing himself. He leans forward and give me a quick peck. He promises to bring me back a cappuccino.

As he leaves, I ponder a few things. I had always supposed some sort of interest between ** and Na. Perhaps this was not so.

Cut to this: and we are talking in the room. Sipping the coffee. Talking about life, the universe.... everything! What's yellow and dangerous?* How many roads must a man walk down? Where does it all end?

Cut to this: we are in the house, hosting a dinner party. Many people are here. Apparently Na is quite the good friend. I see her often. There are two or three couples besides us here. Lounging in the living room, drinking wine and talking. There is a knock at the door. Leave **'s side with a squeeze of the hand to answer the conversation-interupter. It's is an ex. We had split up right before the KSW tournament (ironically) and he has always thought that ** stole me away. Not so, I counter, but he never believes me.

"You need to leave," I insist. He says I must still love him. I call ** and I notice that he's already behind me, spurned away from the wine and discussion by the distress in my voice.

There is not much from here. I tell the ex that, yes, of course, I still love him, and I feel ** stiffen behind me. I continue, "but not in that way." I remind him how I feel about love: it lasts forever. I believe this. But it changes... and ours changed. I love him as a person and a child of God. Perhaps, if he will show me that he can be sober and a functioning person of society, then I can love him as a friend, but nothing more. Ever. I express my sorrow for things not working out as he had hoped. He nods. He is quite drunk. He turns and walks down the hall, away from our apartment door. I watch him walk down the stairs before I close the door.

I turn and ** hugs me tightly, kissing my hair. We return to the party


* Shark infested custard, of course!

** This is so bizzaro to me even though it's a dream... So I'm only going to tell Tiffasaurus Rex who ** is. Maybe if you ask nicely I'll tell you. Honestly, I would... But I won't put it out there for anyone to see.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

that's nothing. i dreamed that one of mike's best friends proposed to me with the most hideous ring ever

Anonymous said...

and got mad at me when i didn't say 'yes' (i didn't say 'no' either) because he used his car payment money to buy it.

Tokyo Pink said...

HHAHAHA oh freaking hilarious... but just wait until i tell you who ** is... that's the freaky part.... sending you a facebook msg