Wednesday, July 21, 2004

you know, it excites me that the home for blogger is called a "Dashboard," sorta like DC, you know?

Anyway, good news! I know you wanna read it:

I wanna read good news, good news, I wanna be innocet again. I wanna read good news, good news! But nothing good is happening...
--something coroporate

Anyway, on July second, yes, the same day as what is now refered to as "The Coffee Incident," (Oh, and I finally got him to buy me a cup of coffee, lol. But it's different.) something happened. Dum, dum, dum... (omnious music....) Well, Jeff and I went out for coffee after work that day. Uneventful, and I paid for mine. I may have gotten a smoothie actually. Well, we hung out and whatever, and he eventually had class and I had dinner with the friars. So, had to go.

That night, he calls me, and we go and we plan to have a Kevin Smith movie marathon of sorts. Or, not at all. We have Dogma and Chasing Amy, I think. We also watch Underworld. Noticably Un-Kevin Smith-y. But... Kate Beckinsale! Hottie hottie hottie!

We hang out after the two Kevin Smithies, talking about everything like normal. And, this wasn't the first time I'd hung out at Jeff's apartment with him. It was like the third or the fourth or something, so it wasn't a big deal. But, you know, the definite sexual tension hadn't not been there for a while, right? So, it was a bit of a deal how I was sorta leaning on his shoulder through the two movies. Kinda sorta really wishing he'd put his arm around me. Futile as I'd said time and time again how I didn't want to date him. I wasn't interested in having a boyfriend.

So, we're talking, and after a pause in the conversation, I have to say it. And I'm being all cryptic and stuff.

I really want to but, I can't, you know? I'm just gonna fuck things up. I don't wanna fuck things up, but trust me, it is inevitable...
I never actually say what it is that I want to do, but it was obvious probably. And he tells me
Nothing is inevitable.
But death, and taxes, I say...

And we're talking. And I want to. But I'm scared. I'm really scared. And then I just look at him. He's sitting up. I'm laying down with my head resting on his leg. And, so, I look at him. And I just sit up real fast and do it. I kiss him. And I put my hands on him. On his chest, on his neck. And it's just so nice to kiss him. I rest my head on his shoulder and he wraps his arms around me. I'm breathing hard, because I'm scared. I really really am.

I'm gonna screw this up, I say

That's a risk I'm willing to take...
And that's it. I kiss him again.

And I didn't want anyone to know. Not his best friend or his sister. Because we all work together at the Free Clinic. His mom is the director and his best friend is the AD. So, I didn't want them to know. He told his friend Chris, I think. Stupid, I think because Chris was just going through a break up. Oh well...

So, that was a little less than three weeks ago. His sister, Karen, and best friend, Michael, know. He told his mom today. A lot of my friends know. I told Dan and Kelli on Sunday, I think. Sunday was a great day! Jeff and I had sushi and watched Fight Club! It was awesome. I love sushi. Anyway, we didn't even have to tell Karen or Michael. They figured it out, because it's freaking obvious. And they're all happy. Even his momma. His family likes me :-D.

You don't see what the big deal is, but there is a big deal. If you don't know... I'm really not in the mood to tell you...

I think that I don't care if anyone at the clinic knows now. I kinda would think it'd be funny if someone walked in on us kissing. LOL! Not that I'd do that at work!


Have a good day, y'all. I know I am...

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