Thursday, April 29, 2004

Against My Better Judgement...
I am really freaking irritated with Michael. But, of course, don't let them know they got to you, so I'm putting it here, where he can't read it. We were supposed to go out for coffee on Monday. He never showed up. And never called. I swallowed my pride and called him Wednesday night. We made arrangements to go out to coffee the next morning. He called me the next morning, about fifteen minutes before I expected him over, to tell me he couldn't make it. He double booked. He had something to do with his grandparents. Whatever. Well, I'll give him that because family is important. Truly, I was very upset. I was really looking forward to seeing him. Maybe I will send him an e-mail about how I feel. Well, I'm busy every night this week. I'd sorta rather not see him for a while. I miss him, but it's just so one-sided....

Well, I wrote this e-mail to Miguel, but I've decided not to send it...


Miguel--

Against my highly better judgement, I am about to tell you how I feel. I would really have rather talked about this when we went out for coffee, but apparently, someone double booked.

When you didn't show up for coffee on Monday, I was irritated, but I forgave that. You'd just gotten back from Europe, so, forgivable. When you didn't call for the next two days, I was irritated, but I swallowed my pride and called you. That was difficult, but I missed you. I was slightly pleased to have made plans with you, but wary. I was sure you would cancel on me. Especially when I recieved that missed call. I knew you were cancelling. As you did. When you called me to cancel this morning, I was EXTREMELY irritated. Fuming. Very upset. Not only did you break two dates, but I was really really looking forward to seeing you. I lied when I said I'm booked for the rest of the week. I am highly busy, but there are time when coffee would be plausible. Truth be told, I was hurt and I didn't feel like seeing you for a while. I still don't. Well, I'm torn between being pissed at you and missing you. You called me three weeks before you came home and, you see Michael, you gave me three weeks to miss you. And then you come home and it's nearly completely platonic.

I feel very one sided. And of course, you haven't been home a week. I decided that I'd give you some time to come around. Oh, well, honestly, when I told Dan you'd cancelled he gave me a big hug (Dan give the best hugs, they are all healing) and told me to give you time. Okay. After all, you're just getting home from Europe. So, you've got two strikes, but you've also got time to ammend. I don't really know that I want in a relationship with you, though. I love spending time with you. But, as we all know, I'm incredibly high maintenance.

I'm pretty torn on what to do, so I'm going to wait. If we haven't gone out for coffee by friday week to talk about everything, I'll be pretty seriously pissed. Just being honest.... Because, against my better judgement, I miss you...

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