Saturday, January 03, 2004

THE WORLD OF MATHEMATICS was thrown into consternation when supercomputer Opteron, pointlessly left on overnight computing pi, unexpectedly confirmed reports from the Women's Institute that the 8,001,930th digit was F.

Existence points out that the flow of time subsequent to this point has been an illusion; time begins flowing normally from midday on April 1. In a rare two-gags-at-once play, existence also carefully places a bucket of water above the door to the bathroom.

The latest Hollywood craze is zen Buddhism. According to Jennifer Lopez: "my ass is chi-riffic!"

Arnold Schwarzenegger is sworn in as the new Governor of California, while brandishing two semi-automatic rifles in order to symbolize the importance his administration will place on the poor and needy. The state is now renamed Kahleeforna for convenience.

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